The Perth Project

Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Viet Nam.

My tour bus driver has just been arrested…this was going to be one of those days. That’s what I’ve loved about Vietnam so far, its ability to throw a curve ball and sometimes you duck and miss it, other times it hits you square in the face. Today Niki and I joined a tour which we purchased through et-pumpkin to the majestic, mystical, mighty, magical and any other descriptive word starting with M, Halong Bay. About 3 hours from Hanoi, this world heritage listed site is known for its thousands of giant karsts and islands that dot this secluded bay. This was one of our honeymoon treats; however the local police had different ideas.

See, we were picked up in a mini van, yes a rather large minivan, but nevertheless a minivan. Unfortunately though the local police viewed our transport as a small bus rather than a large minivan and promptly arrested the bus driver for driving a “bus” through the old quarter of Hanoi. Apparently there are laws regarding this. So as a small army, *cough*, sorry police truck rocked up, a couple of guards got out and told the driver to drive down the road to the station and hand himself in.  So he did. An hour later, not having even left Hanoi, we found ourselves still sitting in our large minivan watching our poor driver making dozens of phone calls, sorting out a bribe, *cough*, sorry a fine, being reprimanded for his mistaken confusion that his minibus was in fact a bus, with this all concluding with our driver jumping back in the van as if nothing happened and continuing along our way to Halong Bay.

The drive was pretty straight forward by Vietnamese standards, with a rest stop at the Humanity Centre. What, you’ve never heard of a Humanity Centre? Well, if you think it’s a place where good people, do good deeds, to help people in need, you would be absolutely wrong! It was a pottery and souvenir house, because “the only way to save humanity is to put a big arse statue in your garden”. I’m still not sure how we would get any of those statues home.

Arriving at the pier in Halong Bay to board our beautiful teak Junk was an exciting moment. I felt like I was a pirate boarding a mighty vessel to drink some rum and find me some loot. When I turned to Niki and went “arhhhhh me lady, heave the sails, stow the rum, lock up the whores and get me some rum” she simply said “I’m not with you and walk away”. I dropped my head in disappointment; I hadn’t even shown her my eye patch yet!

We were joining the crew of the Halong Phoenix Cruiser, an opulent teak Junk big enough to fit about 25 people on board. We chose this boat as it was a good price at $100US per person, was small enough that it didn’t feel like a party boat yet big enough that you could have a good chat with people. Once we received the welcome spiel and our complementary fruity drink, we were assigned to our cabins.  Our a/c cabin was honestly amazing, with beautiful teak furnishings, an oriental atmosphere, a marble bathroom and a big 4 pane window that opened onto the bay. This was truly the way to sail and I felt like I had just added a tick to my list of things to do before I die. Looking at the other boats sailing by, ours was easily the most impressive and elegant.

After lunch, which had never ending delicious food, Nic and I decided to go kayaking. Let me get this right out from the start:-

Rule No. 3 of being married – Give your wife her own Kayak

Okay, so Nic and I have a rather turbulent history when it comes to Kayaking, some may even say explosive, the word apocalyptic also comes to mind. See a year before we went to Laos and kayaked down the Mekong in a double kayak. The person in front controls the pace, the person behind controls the steering, or something like that. In this simple setup is where it all falls apart us – both of us want to steer and both of us want to set the pace. In the confusion we go no where, paddles start flying all over the place, insults start getting thrown around, a misguided paddle hits my head, water gets thrown at Niki and inevitably we both sit there saying nothing, sulking and seething whilst we get closer and closer to hitting a whole heap of rocks. Needless to say Halong Bay was no different. However getting past our wedded bliss, the kayaking was truly mesmerising and tranquil as you slowly passed local water villages, spiritual grottos and colourful birds fluttering around the karsts.

The rest of the afternoon was spent swimming and jumping off from the top level on the Junk, which isn’t for the faint hearted. I was living out every pirate and lost on a tropical island fantasy I’ve ever had. That is until I lost my balance as I was jumping from the top deck and landed sideways in the water. All I remember as I fell sideways was “shit, this wasn’t the way I was meant to die”. Nursing a few sore ribs, the evening finished off with Niki sipping a perfect G&T, and I a whisky and coke whilst lying on the sundeck watching the Milky Way go round. This was what travel was all about and I felt truly relaxed for the first time in a year. Moored under giant karsts, we went to sleep with the windows wide open and a soft breeze slowing rocking us to sleep.

If you get the chance, this is a MUST in Vietnam. We booked our tour through et-pumpkin; however Vietnam Ocean tours has some good deals and packages as well. Both their offices are located next to each other in Hanoi.

The Word for Today

Junk (Noun): A Chinese or Vietnamese boat usually built from teak or other timber materials. A truly oriental way to travel the seas.

Vietnam (Cheap Country Guide)

Popularity: 93% [?]

Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Viet Nam

“Don’t run across the road Nic, it shows them fear and your more likely to get mowed down” I yelled from the other side of the road in the Old Quarter of Hanoi, where I had accidently left my loving wife of 3 days behind. This would be become a bad habit of mine throughout Vietnam and particularly Hanoi, as I wrongly assumed she was always by my side. When in fact she was looking at the millions of bags and shoes that line the shop fronts. When this happened I would both cross back over the road and then lovingly bring her over in my hand or I would coax her to cross the road by herself. The problem with the second option is enviably she would get half way across, the traffic would increase in all directions and she would then stop dead in the middle of the road like a deer stuck in the headlights of an on coming vehicle – surely to meet a gruesome end. Eventually some Vietnamese driver would take pity and slowdown just enough for her scamper across the road. Then as my beloved wife had just crossed the road, her deep scorching glare would instantly burn into me reminding me never to do that again or my testicals would be cut off and would be used as fish balls at a local food stall.

See, today didn’t start to well and her patience have worn thin; little did she know the rest of the day that followed would only push it past breaking point. I woke up to my alarm at about 7ish and I was eager to explore this legendary city and to get some yummy Vietnamese food in my tummy. The room was bright from the sun outside and the noise of the rooster waking the world was sounding. In hindsight this should have been a warning. I lay in for about 20mins then decided enough is enough and woke Niki up, “come on sleepy head lets get started early to beat the heat”. In the 24 hours we had been there, I d never been so hot in Asia before and the humidity was enough to shower in. So my logic was sound. It was about 7.30ish; my wife got up and dressed all ready for the day.  However just as I got dressed my delightful parasitic friend reminded me that I might escape him when I’m sleeping but when I was awake, my butt belonged to him. I curled over with cramps and unfortunately told Niki I had to go back to sleep, I don’t feel too good. She accepted that well, I only wanted an hour and hopefully we would then go out. Just as I was drifting back asleep, I heard Niki turn on her phone to check the time and her messages.

It was quiet, too quiet. Something wasn’t right?

The next thing I heard from a rather annoyed wife was- “OH MY GOD PETER, YOU IDIOT! Its only 5.30am, you’ve put your clock forward the wrong way, and I’m going to kill you!” My response, “ohhhhh that’s why the rooster was crowing, it seemed a little late in the day for it”. With that she got back into bed, tugged at the blanket forcefully and went back to sleep. Oh did I mention it was my birthday as well!

Rule No. 2 of being married – Let your wife sleep in on her honeymoon

We decided to spend the day walking around Hanoi and booking a few tours for the next few days. Our first stop was at the ornate Ngoc Son Temple, located on a small island on Hoan Kiem Lake. Costing 5000 dong, the small temple offered an insight into the spiritual heart of Hanoi. The embalmed remains of a gigantic tortoise, which apparently still live in the lake today, resides here and is well worth checking out. The tortoises represents a legendary story of how the Vietnamese fort of invading China from its land and how the mighty emperor’s sword who defeated the Chinese, was returned to the gods by a giant tortoise who lived within the lake.

Fading due to the heat and lack of food, we made our way to Tamarind Cafe. Tamarind offers a great vegetarian menu with reasonable prices. The vibe of the place is chilled, the service not too bad by Hanoi standards, however I found some of the clientele were a little snotty – please and thank you’s go a long way! Niki had a beautiful clay pot whilst I had a delightful dish of handmade  nachos, you’ll have to go there to try it for yourself. Niki and I were hoping to head to Halong Bay the next day and we wanted to book a tour. We had seen Ocean Tours and ET-pumpkin online and they both looked great. We ended booking with ET pumpkin as they offered a boat that appealed (more on that next post) to our budget more, however we could of easily have gone with either company and would recommend checking out both companies to see which one meets your needs.

By mid afternoon we retreated to our hotel for a small siesta and along the way bought tickets to the 8pm water puppet show at the Municipal Water Puppet Theatre, the 6pm was sold out. Make sure you book early in the day to get the session you want, also perhaps pay more to get front section seats. This isn’t because you cant see from the other section, in fact you can see well but because rude tourists stick their camera high in the air to record the show,  thus obstructing your views – I thought you were meant to put it at eye level and rotate your hand, not move it from left to write like your doing the Grease lighting mega mix!

Our siesta was meant to last about an hour, 3 hours later we awoke to an hour before the performance and hunger pains – well I was hoping they were hunger pains. We got dressed and ran out the door, stopping for a quick meal at Pho 24 restaurant (so good), then straight onto the puppet show. I was excited about this, this was one of the top things that I wanted to see on our Vietnam adventure and my birthday was a great time for it. We arrived 5 minutes before it started and packed into a cramped auditorium. I have to say that the international tourists were the mostly badly behaved people there, talking during the show, arriving late, screaming kids, cameras flashing and moving in all directions. Whilst their Vietnamese counterparts sat quietly, oooinnnggg and arhinnnggg at the right moments (It was Vietnam school holidays).  Besides all this, the performance was genuinely amazing. The traditional oriental music was soothing to the soul and the twelve stories that were portrayed within the performance all related to different aspects of Vietnamese life. As we travelled these little stories would often drift across my mind as we passed rice fields, small towns and climbed into the mountains.

Feeling rather relaxed and enjoying the cooler air, Niki and I decided to stroll along Hoan Kiem Lake back to our hotel. We watched the  local Vietnamese idoly chatting, eating ice-cream and ballroom dancing along the rivers foreshore. Niki and I were laughing, her patience slowly returning. As we walked I noticed a shady character, quite clearly high on drugs, cut in front of us sharply and continue on his way. It was weird but couldn’t quiet put my finger on it, then with a sudden tug, I realised what was happening. I was being robbed! Geez these Vietnamese were bloody opportunistic, trying to get us off buses, hounding us on streets, pricing us higher on items, dodgy taxi metres and now this. As soon as I felt the tug on my bag, I turned left so quickly that I don’t know how the man next to me managed to pull his hand off me even quicker. Ironically our eyes met half way between me continuing onto my bag and him gazing off as if nothing happened, I almost expected him to start whistling a little tune. I instantly grabbed Niki and stopped whilst this other man walked on 10 metres and sat down. My bag pocket was open, however luckily I had nothing stowed in there. Niki and I picked up our pace and went straight back to the hotel, not before I eyeballed the potential thief as I walked past him. It was pointless to say anything at the risk of him pulling a knife on us, I wished him bad karma under my breathe though!

Back at the Especen hotel, my beloved wife broke down and sobbed. She had had enough! The heat and humidity, the opportunistic touts, the crazy roads, the whole culture shock to her and now a potential robbing, she wasn’t enjoying Hanoi at all. On the other hand I thought this was exactly what it would be like, having travelled through China a few years before. I felt it was my fault for giving the thief the opportunity and I promised I wouldn’t let my guard down again over the next 3 weeks. With Niki down in the dumps and me feeling still not well, I thought it was a good time to be heading to Halong Bay for some relaxation. Happy Birthday Peter…

The Word For Today

Sin Jow: A communication essential for all travellers.  The Vietnamese word for Hello.

Lonely Planet Vietnam Guidebooks On Sale

Popularity: 48% [?]