The Perth Project

Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Viet Nam.

My tour bus driver has just been arrested…this was going to be one of those days. That’s what I’ve loved about Vietnam so far, its ability to throw a curve ball and sometimes you duck and miss it, other times it hits you square in the face. Today Niki and I joined a tour which we purchased through et-pumpkin to the majestic, mystical, mighty, magical and any other descriptive word starting with M, Halong Bay. About 3 hours from Hanoi, this world heritage listed site is known for its thousands of giant karsts and islands that dot this secluded bay. This was one of our honeymoon treats; however the local police had different ideas.

See, we were picked up in a mini van, yes a rather large minivan, but nevertheless a minivan. Unfortunately though the local police viewed our transport as a small bus rather than a large minivan and promptly arrested the bus driver for driving a “bus” through the old quarter of Hanoi. Apparently there are laws regarding this. So as a small army, *cough*, sorry police truck rocked up, a couple of guards got out and told the driver to drive down the road to the station and hand himself in.  So he did. An hour later, not having even left Hanoi, we found ourselves still sitting in our large minivan watching our poor driver making dozens of phone calls, sorting out a bribe, *cough*, sorry a fine, being reprimanded for his mistaken confusion that his minibus was in fact a bus, with this all concluding with our driver jumping back in the van as if nothing happened and continuing along our way to Halong Bay.

The drive was pretty straight forward by Vietnamese standards, with a rest stop at the Humanity Centre. What, you’ve never heard of a Humanity Centre? Well, if you think it’s a place where good people, do good deeds, to help people in need, you would be absolutely wrong! It was a pottery and souvenir house, because “the only way to save humanity is to put a big arse statue in your garden”. I’m still not sure how we would get any of those statues home.

Arriving at the pier in Halong Bay to board our beautiful teak Junk was an exciting moment. I felt like I was a pirate boarding a mighty vessel to drink some rum and find me some loot. When I turned to Niki and went “arhhhhh me lady, heave the sails, stow the rum, lock up the whores and get me some rum” she simply said “I’m not with you and walk away”. I dropped my head in disappointment; I hadn’t even shown her my eye patch yet!

We were joining the crew of the Halong Phoenix Cruiser, an opulent teak Junk big enough to fit about 25 people on board. We chose this boat as it was a good price at $100US per person, was small enough that it didn’t feel like a party boat yet big enough that you could have a good chat with people. Once we received the welcome spiel and our complementary fruity drink, we were assigned to our cabins.  Our a/c cabin was honestly amazing, with beautiful teak furnishings, an oriental atmosphere, a marble bathroom and a big 4 pane window that opened onto the bay. This was truly the way to sail and I felt like I had just added a tick to my list of things to do before I die. Looking at the other boats sailing by, ours was easily the most impressive and elegant.

After lunch, which had never ending delicious food, Nic and I decided to go kayaking. Let me get this right out from the start:-

Rule No. 3 of being married – Give your wife her own Kayak

Okay, so Nic and I have a rather turbulent history when it comes to Kayaking, some may even say explosive, the word apocalyptic also comes to mind. See a year before we went to Laos and kayaked down the Mekong in a double kayak. The person in front controls the pace, the person behind controls the steering, or something like that. In this simple setup is where it all falls apart us – both of us want to steer and both of us want to set the pace. In the confusion we go no where, paddles start flying all over the place, insults start getting thrown around, a misguided paddle hits my head, water gets thrown at Niki and inevitably we both sit there saying nothing, sulking and seething whilst we get closer and closer to hitting a whole heap of rocks. Needless to say Halong Bay was no different. However getting past our wedded bliss, the kayaking was truly mesmerising and tranquil as you slowly passed local water villages, spiritual grottos and colourful birds fluttering around the karsts.

The rest of the afternoon was spent swimming and jumping off from the top level on the Junk, which isn’t for the faint hearted. I was living out every pirate and lost on a tropical island fantasy I’ve ever had. That is until I lost my balance as I was jumping from the top deck and landed sideways in the water. All I remember as I fell sideways was “shit, this wasn’t the way I was meant to die”. Nursing a few sore ribs, the evening finished off with Niki sipping a perfect G&T, and I a whisky and coke whilst lying on the sundeck watching the Milky Way go round. This was what travel was all about and I felt truly relaxed for the first time in a year. Moored under giant karsts, we went to sleep with the windows wide open and a soft breeze slowing rocking us to sleep.

If you get the chance, this is a MUST in Vietnam. We booked our tour through et-pumpkin; however Vietnam Ocean tours has some good deals and packages as well. Both their offices are located next to each other in Hanoi.

The Word for Today

Junk (Noun): A Chinese or Vietnamese boat usually built from teak or other timber materials. A truly oriental way to travel the seas.

Vietnam (Cheap Country Guide)

Popularity: 93% [?]

Hello, What’s Your Name?

A three week adventure around Viet Nam.

Do you ever have those moments when you’re travelling when you just stop and think “why the hell am I putting myself through this? Why am I squashed in a mini bus like a sardine?  Why am I seeing my life flash before my eyes? Why did I catch a train for 12 hours and slept in a bed no bigger than a cot? Why did I not book a package holiday to Bali?”  Well these were the particular thoughts that entered my mind as I was in a minivan overtaking on a blind corner, with a scary looking ravine on my left, a slow bus on my right, a big bloody truck coming towards me and a Michael Schumacher want-a-be driver upfront chatting on his phone, whilst doing something similar to what I might call driving. Niki and I were on our way from Lao Cai to the mountain retreat of Sapa in Northern Vietnam.

This particular incident was a the first of many and after about the tenth time, I was about ready to ask Shoooie to pull over so I could change my pants, luckily for all concerned we had just arrived into the perfectly back dropped Sapa. Nic and I had travelled all the way from Halong Bay the afternoon before, after a beautiful over night stay on a Junk we caught an overnight train from Hanoi to Lao Cai. We had travelled in the Fransipan express cabin and it was great. Complimentary fruit, nuts and water, a comfortable cabin and pleasant staff. The only downside was my top level bunk bed. I have travelled on many trains through out my adventures over the years, however the only way I could explain the level of rocking  this bunk bed was experiencing is something similar to being strapped to a space shuttle on re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere. Similar to the thoughts astronauts might have about whether or not they were going to make it alive into earth, I was thinking whether or not I was going to break loose of the small chains holding my bed to the ceiling and launch myself through the carriage at the speed of light.

Arriving into Sapa is breathtaking and I’m not just talking about the high altitude. Set high up in the mountains, Sapa is perfectly nestled in-between a mountain range and everywhere you look there is a perfect photo moment. The architecture is distinctly, yet slightly out of place, French, with similarities to ski resorts in Europe. Sapa is also home to many ethnic groups including the Black Hmong, Red Dzao, Thai’s and the Flower Hmong. Dressed in their colourful hand woven clothing, draped with their local wares to sell, they pleasantly greet you and strike up a conservation whilst you walk to you hotel. The women were of all ages, with some carrying sleeping babies on their backs in slings, with others carrying large baskets of food and spices. The older ladies had the most amazing faces with hard lines etched into their skin to tell the story of the harshness of hard work and harsh environments.

When we arrived, these friendly Hmong women took an instant liking to Niki, with five of these lovely ladies deciding to latch on to her and ask her the routine questions “Hello, What’s your name? Where are you from? Melbourne or Sydney? Are you married?  How old are you? Do you have babies?” All this within two minutes of meeting us, they were just so charming that it was hard not to engage in conversation.

At one point I lost Niki as these women surrounded her and talked her ear off. She was loosing the battle; Niki was surrounded and stuck in the middle, unable to push past as the Hmong were just too damn nice that Niki could show no rudeness. From where I stood, it looked similar to a lamb stuck in the middle of a pack of wolfs about to be overcome. When Niki dropped to her knees, I knew it was time to stop laughing and go to the rescue of her. That’s what  husbands do right?  Grabbing her hand whilst she was circled, it felt like a cliff-hanger moment. You know that part in the movie where Stallone holds his wife’s hand, looks her in the eyes and then drops her into the ravine? Well I could see the same “please don’t let me go” and “stop laughing you bastard” look in my new wife’s eyes.

Rule No. 4 of being married – Dont laugh at your wife unless she’s  laughing.

With these women following us all the way down the street, then back up the street after we realised we had missed the hotel, we were sure they were going to a find a way for us to part with our money, but they didn’t…or at least not then. They were just generally interested in practicing their English and having a chat. We were staying at the Pinocchio Hotel which has great staff and amazing views. The rooms were basic, clean and secure. The only slight downside was that if you’re a light sleeper, the traffic in the morning (namely the horns) can be a bit of problem due to the closeness of the road. Sapa had already captured my imagination and I’d only been here for two hours, the next four days was only going to seal it as one of the most amazing places in the world.

The Word for Today

Hmong (noun): One of many ethnic minority groups of Northern Vietnam. The Hmong also live in Thailand, China and Laos.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Viet Nam

“Don’t run across the road Nic, it shows them fear and your more likely to get mowed down” I yelled from the other side of the road in the Old Quarter of Hanoi, where I had accidently left my loving wife of 3 days behind. This would be become a bad habit of mine throughout Vietnam and particularly Hanoi, as I wrongly assumed she was always by my side. When in fact she was looking at the millions of bags and shoes that line the shop fronts. When this happened I would both cross back over the road and then lovingly bring her over in my hand or I would coax her to cross the road by herself. The problem with the second option is enviably she would get half way across, the traffic would increase in all directions and she would then stop dead in the middle of the road like a deer stuck in the headlights of an on coming vehicle – surely to meet a gruesome end. Eventually some Vietnamese driver would take pity and slowdown just enough for her scamper across the road. Then as my beloved wife had just crossed the road, her deep scorching glare would instantly burn into me reminding me never to do that again or my testicals would be cut off and would be used as fish balls at a local food stall.

See, today didn’t start to well and her patience have worn thin; little did she know the rest of the day that followed would only push it past breaking point. I woke up to my alarm at about 7ish and I was eager to explore this legendary city and to get some yummy Vietnamese food in my tummy. The room was bright from the sun outside and the noise of the rooster waking the world was sounding. In hindsight this should have been a warning. I lay in for about 20mins then decided enough is enough and woke Niki up, “come on sleepy head lets get started early to beat the heat”. In the 24 hours we had been there, I d never been so hot in Asia before and the humidity was enough to shower in. So my logic was sound. It was about 7.30ish; my wife got up and dressed all ready for the day.  However just as I got dressed my delightful parasitic friend reminded me that I might escape him when I’m sleeping but when I was awake, my butt belonged to him. I curled over with cramps and unfortunately told Niki I had to go back to sleep, I don’t feel too good. She accepted that well, I only wanted an hour and hopefully we would then go out. Just as I was drifting back asleep, I heard Niki turn on her phone to check the time and her messages.

It was quiet, too quiet. Something wasn’t right?

The next thing I heard from a rather annoyed wife was- “OH MY GOD PETER, YOU IDIOT! Its only 5.30am, you’ve put your clock forward the wrong way, and I’m going to kill you!” My response, “ohhhhh that’s why the rooster was crowing, it seemed a little late in the day for it”. With that she got back into bed, tugged at the blanket forcefully and went back to sleep. Oh did I mention it was my birthday as well!

Rule No. 2 of being married – Let your wife sleep in on her honeymoon

We decided to spend the day walking around Hanoi and booking a few tours for the next few days. Our first stop was at the ornate Ngoc Son Temple, located on a small island on Hoan Kiem Lake. Costing 5000 dong, the small temple offered an insight into the spiritual heart of Hanoi. The embalmed remains of a gigantic tortoise, which apparently still live in the lake today, resides here and is well worth checking out. The tortoises represents a legendary story of how the Vietnamese fort of invading China from its land and how the mighty emperor’s sword who defeated the Chinese, was returned to the gods by a giant tortoise who lived within the lake.

Fading due to the heat and lack of food, we made our way to Tamarind Cafe. Tamarind offers a great vegetarian menu with reasonable prices. The vibe of the place is chilled, the service not too bad by Hanoi standards, however I found some of the clientele were a little snotty – please and thank you’s go a long way! Niki had a beautiful clay pot whilst I had a delightful dish of handmade  nachos, you’ll have to go there to try it for yourself. Niki and I were hoping to head to Halong Bay the next day and we wanted to book a tour. We had seen Ocean Tours and ET-pumpkin online and they both looked great. We ended booking with ET pumpkin as they offered a boat that appealed (more on that next post) to our budget more, however we could of easily have gone with either company and would recommend checking out both companies to see which one meets your needs.

By mid afternoon we retreated to our hotel for a small siesta and along the way bought tickets to the 8pm water puppet show at the Municipal Water Puppet Theatre, the 6pm was sold out. Make sure you book early in the day to get the session you want, also perhaps pay more to get front section seats. This isn’t because you cant see from the other section, in fact you can see well but because rude tourists stick their camera high in the air to record the show,  thus obstructing your views – I thought you were meant to put it at eye level and rotate your hand, not move it from left to write like your doing the Grease lighting mega mix!

Our siesta was meant to last about an hour, 3 hours later we awoke to an hour before the performance and hunger pains – well I was hoping they were hunger pains. We got dressed and ran out the door, stopping for a quick meal at Pho 24 restaurant (so good), then straight onto the puppet show. I was excited about this, this was one of the top things that I wanted to see on our Vietnam adventure and my birthday was a great time for it. We arrived 5 minutes before it started and packed into a cramped auditorium. I have to say that the international tourists were the mostly badly behaved people there, talking during the show, arriving late, screaming kids, cameras flashing and moving in all directions. Whilst their Vietnamese counterparts sat quietly, oooinnnggg and arhinnnggg at the right moments (It was Vietnam school holidays).  Besides all this, the performance was genuinely amazing. The traditional oriental music was soothing to the soul and the twelve stories that were portrayed within the performance all related to different aspects of Vietnamese life. As we travelled these little stories would often drift across my mind as we passed rice fields, small towns and climbed into the mountains.

Feeling rather relaxed and enjoying the cooler air, Niki and I decided to stroll along Hoan Kiem Lake back to our hotel. We watched the  local Vietnamese idoly chatting, eating ice-cream and ballroom dancing along the rivers foreshore. Niki and I were laughing, her patience slowly returning. As we walked I noticed a shady character, quite clearly high on drugs, cut in front of us sharply and continue on his way. It was weird but couldn’t quiet put my finger on it, then with a sudden tug, I realised what was happening. I was being robbed! Geez these Vietnamese were bloody opportunistic, trying to get us off buses, hounding us on streets, pricing us higher on items, dodgy taxi metres and now this. As soon as I felt the tug on my bag, I turned left so quickly that I don’t know how the man next to me managed to pull his hand off me even quicker. Ironically our eyes met half way between me continuing onto my bag and him gazing off as if nothing happened, I almost expected him to start whistling a little tune. I instantly grabbed Niki and stopped whilst this other man walked on 10 metres and sat down. My bag pocket was open, however luckily I had nothing stowed in there. Niki and I picked up our pace and went straight back to the hotel, not before I eyeballed the potential thief as I walked past him. It was pointless to say anything at the risk of him pulling a knife on us, I wished him bad karma under my breathe though!

Back at the Especen hotel, my beloved wife broke down and sobbed. She had had enough! The heat and humidity, the opportunistic touts, the crazy roads, the whole culture shock to her and now a potential robbing, she wasn’t enjoying Hanoi at all. On the other hand I thought this was exactly what it would be like, having travelled through China a few years before. I felt it was my fault for giving the thief the opportunity and I promised I wouldn’t let my guard down again over the next 3 weeks. With Niki down in the dumps and me feeling still not well, I thought it was a good time to be heading to Halong Bay for some relaxation. Happy Birthday Peter…

The Word For Today

Sin Jow: A communication essential for all travellers.  The Vietnamese word for Hello.

Lonely Planet Vietnam Guidebooks On Sale

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Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Viet Nam

I’m sure when I said to Niki 7 months ago “lets go to Vietnam for our honeymoon”, she had no idea was she was signing up for. I think I’m hugely to blame for that. For instance before we arrived she would talk about lazily sleeping on the beach, sipping cocktails, eating fantastic gourmet Vietnamese food, perhaps even sipping delicious French influenced coffee. You could see in her eyes the blue waters lapping against the perfect white sands of the South China Sea, she had dreamt and imagined Vietnam into perfection – I never thought once to maybe suggest it wouldn’t be so relaxing. However the only thing I saw in her eyes as we stood at an intersection in central Hanoi on our second day was fear, absolute bone shaking fear, shadowed by trembling tears in the background and a deadly look  burning into me saying  “Peter where the hell is my relaxing honeymoon you bastard?!”

Rule No. 1 of being married – Don’t take your new wife to Ha Noi for their honeymoon.

Niki and I arrived into Hanoi after our two week long stay in Bali for our wedding in Ubud. We did the usual budget flights with Air Asia and arrived to a small airport in the middle of farmland. You know you’re in the sticks when you see a couple of cows grazing at the end of airstrip.  Our first introduction to Viet Nam and to the dodgy operators that we had read about would be a slow and steady local bus we took to the city centre. The main benefit of the bus was easily being that the cost was a mere $3 instead of the $30 the taxis were after. As we travelled towards Hanoi we gained a small glimpse into local life, with bikes carrying cages of pigs, cows grazing on the side of the road, big concrete flyovers merging into dirt tracks and slow boats working along the mighty Song Hong (Red River).I was watching our route on the map, a bit of annoying habit of mine, and I knew that we were getting close to our drop off point. However it was hard to keep track of which road was what with road names changing every hundred metres, so when we stopped earlier than I expected and a bunch of touts got on the bus to tell us the bus stopped here, it was game time. Niki was quick to get up and begin getting her stuff, however something wasn’t right. None of the locals were moving and I’m sure I read somewhere months ago that it stopped in town. The touts were yelling at us that we had to get off and they would take us on their bikes into town, they even tried to pick up Niki’s bag. When we said “we weren’t moving and that no one else was moving” they got even more demanding. The two other tourists on the bus were also being hounded. Eventually they got the point and jumped off – just for us to go 2 blocks over and be nicely dropped of outside the Opera House to more opportunistic touts! – At least I knew where we were now and a 15 minute walk later we came upon the hotel we wanted to stay at, unfortunately though they must not have known we were coming as they had shut up shop months before (Spring Hotel).

Opting for plan B instead, we wandered over to the Especen Hotel located down a small alley near St Joseph Cathedral. This great little hotel had clean and spacious rooms starting at about $20us a night. So after two flights, a night in KL, a long slow bus trip, some heavy handed touts and one closed hotel, we were stretching out on a big double bed smiling that we finally made it to Viet Nam. This is about the time the Parasite known as Giardia kicked in and boy did it make its presence known.  I keeled over with cramps, my stomach made evacuation preparations and my brain started sending out emails to other parts of the body to bring them up to pace on a desperate situation. This happy little bug would haunt me for the next 2 weeks and would randomly make me run back to the hotel in need of a bathroom that I could camp out in. With this I make a heartfelt apology to any tourists or Vietnamese that I rudely barged passed on my great escape to the bathroom.

With Giardia on the mind, we rarely ventured far from the hotel on this day, instead opting to wander the authentic alleyways full of local characters doing everything from cutting hair to stirring large pots of Pho, a local flavoursome broth of goodness. We ate at alocal cafe for Lunch and Dinner know as La Place – yes an LP recommendation. The food was divine, with a selection of gourmet Vietnamese meals such as Chicken and Mango rice, pho, crepes and great fruit juices. The walls were covered in propaganda and 1940′s coffee posters. This is defiantly were the “cool” kids of Hanoi hung out, with writers typing away whilst sipping hot cups of Vietnamese coffee. Unfortunately thou, when we came back for dinner Niki found something that looked liked a finger nail in her juice…so what does any normal grossed out person who is absolutely appalled with this do? They pay their bill quietly and come back for lunch the next day – the food was just so damn good!

As the sun set for the day and the dark stormy weather closed in around us, the thunder and lighting made it’s ominous introduction. Within an hour a tropical thunderstorm was upon us and as we sat on our balcony feeling very unimportant in the whole picture of the world, I knew our three week travels through the ever resilient Vietnam would be humbling. Our adventures would take us from Hanoi to the world heritage listed Halong Bay, up to mountainous Sapa to the beach havens of Hoi and Hue, before trekking south to Nha Trang to catch up with friends and concluding in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh). With images of what laid ahead floating through my mind, I got up and made a mad dash for the bathroom…

The Word for Today

Pho (Noun): A Backpackers essential. The cheapest and more hearty dish you can get in Vietnam. Found in most street stalls and budget restaurants.

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